What In Tarnation?!?!?

Last Sunday, the Covenant went out to eat lunch at El Nopal in Sullivan. After lunch, I headed out to my car. The temperature was just amazing for August in Missouri so I opened the driver side window and the sun roof.

At the time I was listening to one of my favorite artists, Derek Webb. His newest album is called the House Show. It has many of the songs that were on his first album, She Must and Shall Go Free but in between songs he explains each song in almost a kind of teaching time. These teaching sections are very insightful.

As I was pulling out of the parking lot, one of the local pastors from Sullivan was exiting with his family. He smiled and waved and I waved back. It is unfortunate that I had the radio turned up at that very instant as the pastor waved to me. You see, the song that I was listening to was called The Wedding Dress. Webb explains that the song is intentionally supposed to be offensive because it was supposed to mirror the offensiveness of the Church (the bride) loving someone other that Jesus (the groom). Here are the lyrics to the song, I will let you decide what the pastor heard coming from my car: (remember, this song is supposed to be offensive)

Wedding Dress
(words and music by derek webb)

if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for

and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

(chorus)
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood

(chorus)

because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife

Yeah I came off lookin’ real good.

Oh well. I don’t care.
____

A fellow teacher/coworker has been reading my blog lately. Her younger brother was evidently reading over her shoulder. My writings evidently reminded him of Garfield.

Why?

Cause evidently I like to talk about lasagna frequently.

Makes sense to me. I probably remember that fat cat in more ways than one.

Here’s lookin’ at you Sam.

Class dismissed!

Just to let you know that there are going to be a few changes around here. Some noticeable, others not so much. It will not only effect me but all the Gone Ape blogs. For one thing Gone Ape is going bye bye (well not really since I accidentally renewed the domain name for another 2 years).

We are moving to new roomier digs. Avoiding Evil, Time to Believe, and What in Tarnation will not be changing domain names but it might take a little while of DNS info to switch over. I will most likely be changing to WordPress, not sure about the other blogs. The domain names for Citizen of the State and Future Hope will be changing, just not sure to what.

Not sure exactly when all this will happen because my schedule is in such a state of flux, but it will be happening sooner than later.

In the mean time, amuse yourself with some new children’s programing. Too bad children who were raised on such programing will be repeating the third grade.

Class dismissed!

But before I do that I want to mention an interesting “movie trailer” That I found via Gravity Lens (which linked to me in their outdated exclamation list which I will have at the end of this entry because it is funny).

The trailer is for a movie idea call Grayson. Here is the set-up:

Gotham’s Son Returns! Two decades after the golden age of superheroes has passed, hope has abandoned Gotham City. Corruption has infected Gotham’s highest levels of power and led to the death of its greatest champion. Now, former boy wonder, Dick Grayson, will emerge from the shadows of retirement to avenge the murder of his legendary mentor.

The trailer features appearances from many superheros and super villains from the DC universe. Now I am interested in the new Batman movie, but a movie based on this well produced demo would be a slam dunk. If you have broadband and like the Batman mythos, you might want to check it out.
_____

Now for some odd things from Jen:

1. Your name spelled backwards. Full name - thgirW rehpotsirhC

2. Where were your parents born? Dad - Hmm, I will investigate. I can’t recall right now; Mom - MO

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? The afore mentioned Grayson trailer.

4. What’s your favorite restaurant? I have answered this question before. It varies. I have recently discovered a nice little Italian restaurant here in Rolla that has a interesting but descent Tiramisu called Divinci’s

5. Last time you swam in a pool? Been awhile. I don’t really remember.

6. Have you ever been in a school play? Several, all against my will. My favorite two were You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown and Godspell.

7. How many kids do you want? Right now, none.

8. Type of music you dislike most? Country. True country. It literally pains me.

9. Are you registered to vote? Yeah.

10. Do you have cable? Yes, I do.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Nope.

12. Ever prank call anybody? Not that I can remember.

13. Ever get a parking ticket? Not yet. Where is the wood around here? I need to knock on it.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? I think I would if it didn’t cost me anything.

15. Farthest place you ever traveled. From my current location? Been west to CA, south to Florida and Texas, east to New York, and north to Canada.

16. Do you have a garden? Funny.

17. What’s your favorite comic strip? Far Side, Calvin and Hobbes, Dilbert, Peanuts. That about covers it.

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? First verse. I sang it almost a billion times in High school choir.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower in the morning

20. Best movie you’ve seen in the past month? Haven’t seen many this month, the best would be Mystic River on DVD.

21. Favorite pizza topping? Supreme or pepperoni and mushroom. Either is fine.

22. Chips or popcorn? Popcorn would be my choice every time.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? What? This is a girl quiz and they don’t mention it until almost halfway through the silly thing? Grrrr. Let’s forget this happened and press on… FYI, I haven’t ever put lipstick on.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? HUH?

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Another girl question! NO! NO! NO!

26. Orange Juice or apple? Orange with pulp.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? Dinner? A fellow teacher and I went to dinner Tuesday night to the afore mentioned Divinci’s.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar? The fundraiser kind filled with gooey carmel. Crunch is good too. Kit Kat ain’t bad either.

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? The last state/local elections

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? This month, someone gave some to my mom.

31. Have you ever won a trophy? My class has won the AR trophy on several occasions, does that count.

32. Are you a good cook? When I cook, it is pretty good.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? This hints of a girl question. Of course!

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? No way.

35. Sprite or 7-up? Neither. Have you ever had dn-L?

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Yes, at McDonald’s

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Pain reliever PM.

38. Ever throw up in public? Yes, before every voice or piano jury or presentation I have ever done.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? True love. That’s the correct answer, right?

40. Do you believe in love at first sight? No

41. Ever call a 1-900 number? Nope

42. Can ex’s be friends? Maybe.

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? Uh…

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Not much.

45. What message is on your answering machine? I’m not in leave a message, blah, blah, blah.

46. What’s your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? Ooooo, that would have to be the junior high music teachers that go out and sing at special events. “Wow, this mic is hot. Ooo, feedback.”

47. What was the name of your first pet? I don’t remember.

48. What is in your purse? THAT IS IT I QUIT!

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
____

Here is the list of outdated exclamations from the afore mentioned blog!

Land’s sakes! It’s outdated exclamation time! What in Tarnation! Zounds! Heavens to Murgatroid! Humbug! What in Blazes! Egad! I do declare! Jeepers! Zoot allures! Dagnabit! Fiddlesticks! Jumpin’ Jehosaphat! Fancy that! Bully! The Hell you say! Balderdash! By Jove! Strewth! Oh my stars and garters! Pshaw! What in Sam Hill!

Your homework is to use at least two of these in conversation today. Carry on.

Add your own in the comments.

Class dismissed!

I haven’t done a tour of some of the good stuff out in the blogosphere for some time. Here is my chance.

Assorted Stuff points to an article that informs readers why some teachers have moved away from a red ink pen for grading. I normally don’t use red either. I prefer black, green, or blue, in that order. But sometimes red is the only one available.

Why do churches feel compelled to put stupid sayings on their signs? No, they aren’t as clever and someone thinks they are.

Bryan shares another Cotter story. (In my opinion he doesn’t share enough.) This time it involves two of his classmates “moving off green.” (I have also heard it termed as “pulling a stick” or “moving a clip.” Basically they got in trouble.)

Tim asks it you have been watching the Olympics.

Kevin answered the Phantom’s Anti-Sunday Brunch questions.

Flip got assigned a horrible sounding job.

At The Thinklings, Jared talks about Retro and Metro America. Whatch you talkin’ ’bout Willis? Click the link to find out. My favorite quote that Jared shares from the linked article makes me chuckle at the ridiculousness.

Mr. Sperling, founder of the University of Phoenix, believes that conservative voters with traditional values are a millstone around America’s neck, one that suppresses excellence in education, science, and the arts, and is bent on crushing “differences in ethnicity, gender, and sexual orientation,” along with “public education, childcare, and other services needed by working parents.”

Over at his own site, Jared has the Either/Or, Movie edition. Below, the bold options are my choices. Remember, you have to pick just one to play.

Matinee or Late-Night Showing - it is cheaper

Full Theater or Empty Theater - less people to disturb me

Popcorn or Candy - butter flavored grease please

Row Seating: Nearer the Front or Nearer the Back - just in front of the rear most surround sound speaker to be exact

Within the Row: On a Side or Near the Middle

Romance or Historical Biopic

Action or Suspense

Science Fiction or Horror

Alfred Hitchcock or Orson Welles

Quentin Tarantino or Spike Lee

Star Wars or Star Trek

Jimmy Cagney or Jimmy Stewart

Bob Hope or Bing Crosby

Ingrid Bergman or Lauren Bacall

Humphrey Bogart or Clark Gable

Abbott and Costello or Laurel and Hardy

The Three Stooges or The Marx Brothers

Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton

Video/DVD: Widescreen or Full Screen - that way I can see most of the movie that I paid for

Movie Reviews or Word of Mouth - I normally go the opening weekend so not many folks have seen it, as a result I rely on reviews

Comedies: Laugh Out Loud or Just Smile - work off the calories from the butter

Crying at Sad Movies: Okay or Not Okay

Clapping at the End of a Movie: Okay or Really, Really Stupid - reserved for live theater thankyouvurymuch

Matt Damon or Ben Affleck

Tom Cruise or Tom Hanks

Ben Stiller or Mike Meyers

Owen Wilson or Luke Wilson

Stephen Spielberg or M. Night Shyamalan

Todd Solondz or Wes Anderson

Scarier: Freddy Krueger or Jason

Funnier: Jim Carrey or Will Ferrell - ouch

Deep Impact or Armageddon

Rated G or Rated PG

TVtattle reports that Alan Alda is joining the cast of the West Wing. Maybe I should give it one more try.

Welcome back to WIT. Class is dismissed!

… or at least of the year.

Today was a cracker jack of a day. It was absolutely insane.

It started when I walked into the trailer where my classroom is. But before I tell that story I have to tell this story.

The teacher who moved into the other side of “my” trailer didn’t really like the carpet. I don’t blame here. It is a dirty gray looking color with large holes ripped in it where the carpet has been pulled out. Not all that attractive. She decided to do something about it. She got a large piece of canvas, denimy kind of material and had her class, and my class paint on it. Over the past weekend the teacher lacquered it with several coats. The coating that she put on it gave the floor covering and nice shine and gave it a nice protective barrier on it however it left behind a horrible stench of fumes. The kind that can give a person a headache and if exposed long enough it could get a person high. That was the odor that I was greeted with when I enter the trailer this morning. Thankfully the other teacher was kind enough to close the door on my room so the fume weren’t quite so bad. Well let’s not kid, they were bad at any dosage or intensity. For the kids, the fumes were distracting to say the least but we all dealt with it.

Math time came around. Today we were working with standard, expanded, and written form of numbers. All about five of the kids were really struggling with expanded form. Changing a number into it’s separate place values was really going over their heads. For example 3,486 could also be described as 3,000 + 400 + 80 + 6 in expanded form. Even tricker for third graders would be 2,067 being expressed as 2,000 + 60 + 7 because of the place holder 0 in the hundreds spot. I explained using as many manipulative that I could use. I ended up spending an hour and a half on expanded form. It went on forever. In the end, a few more students were able to grasp it but not the whole class. It was frustrating for me and the student.

To make matters worse around 10:30 the storm of the century year started. This deluge caused the moat around the trailer appear again. Not only did it rain but the storm also brought lightning and thunder. Very close lightening and thunder. In a nice cement building, it can be nice and cozy during such a storm, however, through the thin walls of the trailer, the storm was much more immediate and intense. Combine that with at least seven students who are terrified of storms and you have got an environment that is not too conducive to learning. I trudged ahead with my plans but I am sure that nothing got through, I mean I only had a couple of kids near tears! Another hour wasted and a wet trip in and out of the building for lunch and bathroom was not great either.

That brings us to the end of the day. The students are ready to go and I was read The Littles aloud to the class. I told the early bus group that when the bell rung they could leave. About five minutes later I realized that something was fishy. I went next door to see if the bell had rung. There were only four kids in the class.

“Um, did the bell ring?”

“Yeah, about four minutes ago. Bus riders were dismissed as well.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah didn’t your kids go?”

“No, the bell didn’t ring in my room. Great.”

I sent all the early bus riders to the office to call parents, I stayed with them until someone was able to pick them and to try to help some of them with their expanded form homework.

It has been a day.

Class dismissed!

The Phantom is haunting Time to Believe again. This time the Phantom left behind some questions to fill the void of Sunday Brunch. They are an odd collection of questions.

1. When is the best time to pick your nose? (Michael was just wondering.)
There is a third grader in my class this year who has no problem pickin’ away any ole time. I was quite astonished when I saw it. Not sure if I want to say anything about it. The student has only done it once so I am hoping that it was a one time occurrence. However, my suggestion would be to do it when no one is looking. But don’t take my word for it.

2. What is the weirdest pizza topping you have eaten? Describe in detail.
Nothing too odd. I guess the Lettuce, tomato, and bacon pizza, mayo included. was the oddest. My absolute favorite is a spinach topped pizza with a yummy garlic butter sauce and cheese. Mmmmmm. There’s some good eats.

3. If toast falls butter side down and cats land on their feet, what happens when you put a slice of bread (butter side up) on a cat’s back?
They spin into some weird vortex creating a tear in time and space that eats up light and all types of matter. It can be pretty nasty. Please, please, do NOT attempt this at home.

4. In your opinion what are the three best TV shows and the worst three TV shows currently airing? Explain.
Ooooo. Good question. I just wish it would have come a couple of weeks later, after the beginning of the new season. In fact, I am going to table this question until I have seen a few new series. Is that okay? Too bad.

5. What happens when you get scared half to death twice?
I guess you die.

Class dismissed!

Overheard during a recent cursive handwriting lesson:

“So that’s how old people know how to read this curly stuff; someone taught it to them!”

Evidently we now have irrefutable proof that the ability to read and write in cursive is not inborn.

Third graders learn something everyday.
_____

Tonight I went into the city with part of the Covenant. I made them go to a Barnes and Noble to look for Thursday’s New York Times. Of course they had none out. I found a not so helpful employee and asked if they by chance had Thursday’s NYT anywhere.

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t have any in the back?” (The back. I guess every store has one.)

“I’m pretty sure that we throw them away the next day.”

“Could you check just to be sure? Please.”

“I guess.”

She returns a couple minutes later with, surprise, Thursday’s NYT.

“Here you go. Good luck.” (I’m not completely sure what she meant by good luck. I guess she assumed I was researching something.)

“Thank you very much.”

I am pleased that I now have hard copy of my one sentence quote.

Sigh. The crazy things we do.

Class dismissed!

So many things to share, so little neurons firing to remember what they are. Let me bullet point the ones I can remember for you.

- Most everything in my class is going well. The one thing that is really becoming a problem is the new schedule for this year. Because of construction and several other uncontrollable factors (like a record enrollment, we are busting at the seams) we have a new schedule this year for the school. In years past we had block schedules in which one or two grades did something (lunch, recess, specials) and then after that was over and grade or grades would do it. This year just about everything overlaps giving each grade some odd times and durations for activities throughout the day. This schedule has totally butchered my morning. I can’t get anything in. We will start something and in the middle of it we have to stop and go or do something else. Very frustrating. Basically I haven’t gotten into a rhythm. Once I do, I think that this problem with subside. Though it frustrates the heck out of me, it hasn’t seemed to bother the kids in class at all. Did I mention that I think my class is pretty great?

- I am so tired. It isn’t my class or teaching duties but the new additional job that I have. As the new technology contact for my building I am responsible for trouble shooting all computers, printers, phone systems, etc. in my building. I fix what I can and send on work orders to technology of things I can fix. Everything has to go through me. I used to walk down the halls of the school in the before and after school saying hi and bye to everyone but now I find myself quietly slipping down the hall to as not to let people know that I am out in the hall ready to be grabbed for “a couple of minutes” to look at their computer. Did I know what it was going to be like? Yes I did. Was I ready for it? Not really. If I am to get anything done for my class, I have to either take it home or come back to school after everyone has left. My time before and after school and during my planning time has been totally consumed with this additional job. I think it will get better after a couple weeks of school. But in the mean time, the computers are totally kicking my butt. I don’t know how the teacher before me did it and be the lead math curriculum organizer for all three of our elementary buildings.

- Several weeks ago I was contacted by a freelance writer working the the New York Times technology Circuits section about being interviewed for an article in their back to school issue. The article was going to be about blogging and education. After the interview, I got the feeling that I didn’t really have what he was looking. It seemed he was looking for teacher allowing students to blog but I use my class blog more for parent communication and displaying student work. So I thought that would be it. That is until yesterday when I get an e-mail from someone else from the New York Times. This time it was the Photo editor of the Circuits section of the paper. They wanted to photograph me for the article. They wanted to do it yesterday. That got me thinking how they were going to get pictures of me, in Missouri on that day while I was working. By the time I got the e-mail, I think it was too late anyway. Honestly, the thought of having my picture in the New York Times, didn’t thrill me. Not because it was the New York Times, but because it was going to be a picture of me.

I guess I need to be looking for the back to school issue of the NYT to see if they used any of the interview.

- See, I have forgotten about the other things I was going to share. If you remember what they are, let me know in the comments.

Class dismissed!

Update: It looks like the article will be in tomorrow’s edition. The link is here. Free registration required. I got one quote and that is okay.