What In Tarnation?!?!? In the Classroom

Originally posted on July 29, 2002

Let me see if I’ve got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. Not only that, I’m supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, behaviorally modify disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and T-shirt messages.

I am to fight the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for guns and raise their self-esteem. I’m to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook and how to apply for a job.

I am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class 50 percent of my attention.

I’m required by my contract to be working on my own time summer and evenings at my own expense toward advance certification and a master’s degree; and after school, I am to attend committee and faculty meetings and participate in staff development training to maintain my employment status.

I am to be a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority. I am to pledge allegiance to supporting family values, a return to the basics, and to my current administration. I am to incorporate technology into the learning, and monitor all Web sites while providing a personal relationship with each student. I am to decide who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit crimes in school or who is possibly being abused, and I can be sent to jail for not mentioning these suspicions.

I am to make sure all students pass the state and federally mandated testing and all classes, whether or not they attend school on a regular basis or complete any of the work assigned. Plus, I am expected to make sure that all of the students with handicaps are guaranteed a free and equal education, regardless of their mental or physical handicap. I am to communicate frequently with each student’s parent by letter, phone, newsletter and grade card.

I’m to do all of this with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a 45 minute more-or-less plan time and a big smile, all on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states. Is that all? And you want me to do all of this and expect me NOT TO PRAY?

Source Unknown

And now for a rare treat… the original comments from this entry.

Nice.
Posted by: Pressed on July 29, 2002 11:14 AM

The Great Teacher

He is the Alpha and Omega, the Great Healer, Provider, Fulfiller, the Source of Freedom, our friend, our hope, our joy, creator of the world, the Lion and Lamb, Jehovah, Redeemer, Savior, the Great Sacrifice, the Conqueror, the source of everlasting love, and all things to all people.

He is Omnipresent, Omnipotent, All-Knowing, All-Powerfull, the Perfect One, Holy, Annointed, the Chosen One, the Conqueror of Death, the Great Judge, the High Priest, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the Prince of Peace, the Everlasting Father, our offering, the Immovable, the Unshakeable, the Nurturer, the Comforter, the Peace Giver, the Great Shepherd, and the list goes on…..

Yet He prayed to God more then we could ever imagine. I just don’t see how people do it without Him.

Great entry!
Posted by: erin on July 30, 2002 12:39 AM

And I thought I had problems and issues with my job…

Glad the position of Savior of the world was already filled!
Posted by: Christopher on July 30, 2002 07:50 AM

Obviously the writer of the “21st Century” thing wasn’t a preschool teacher. I don’t have to worry much about the gun or sexually transmitted disease thing much (though since I have to work with their parents, too, I am still up on these), but I have a few to add:
–I am adept at wielding the Kleenex, ready to mop up snot/spit before it ends up on the child’s hands…or worse, the snack table
–I can psychically tell whether or not a student has washed his/her hands without even looking.
–I can wipe four butts (and wash my hands between) in a minute flat.
–I am astute in explaining the entire process of special education to parents (who are typically special ed themselves) in under 10 minutes and make it coherent.
–I know that live bugs shouldn’t be left in a science center, even with adequate supervision.
–I am capable of foreseeing potential crises in items such as scissors, glue sticks, shaving cream, and markers and proacting appropriately.
–I have learned that there are more than 4 holes on one’s body that are capable of insertion and how to easily extract crayons from said holes.
–I have learned to prepare a day’s lesson–which is typically more involved than a general ed lesson because I literally have to track each child’s goals throughout–WITHOUT a 45 minute plan time.

Thanks for your input, Erin. It keeps things in perspective, even when I’m covered in marker and kid grime.
Posted by: Anna on July 30, 2002 07:00 PM

I think it’s time for me to reconsider my profession of choice.
Posted by: JD on July 31, 2002 02:56 PM

Teachers have a very hard job, yes they are under payed for what they do. Parents are one of the major problems teachers face. I should say lack of parents or parenting skills. If parents would do there jobs at home teachers and the world would be much better off. And yes Jesus is the Great Teacher as Erin wrote about above. We (me included) can learn so much from Him.
Posted by: Michael on August 5, 2002 06:27 PM

I just read what I wrote payed and should have wrote paid. Well I am off to TV land
Posted by: Michael on August 5, 2002 06:31 PM

Class dismissed!